Adlerian Therapy

I find Adlerian therapy to be very interesting. The Christie Hunter website explains, “Adlerian theory primarily emphasizes birth order, individual life styles, social interests, and concepts pertaining to inferiority and superiority as principle components of personality.” (http://www.christiehunter.com/personality/alderian-therapy.htm)

It also focuses on early memories, which is what I am going to focus on for this first blog entry.

When we watched that video in class last week, from the patient’s first memories, we learned a lot about him, such as him being a competitive person by always getting to school first before his other classmates got there. He continued his competitiveness when becoming a teacher, and once again, always getting to school first before his other coworkers got there. This could also be said about his perfectionism and wanting others to be impressed by the fact that he’s always there on time.

When I thought about what my first memory was, it was when my younger brother Daniel was born when I was 2 ½ years old. I initially thought what that could say about me is that I’m a very family oriented person. But then literally this morning, when I was once again thinking about what my first memory could mean, I thought about other aspects that were involved with this memory. I remember visiting my mom in the hospital and it was her dinner time. The dessert that was included with this delicious hospital food was green jello. Being almost 3 years old, as you could all imagine, I really wanted that green jello. I considered asking my mom if I could have some of it, but then the wise 3 year old girl in me decided against it. I thought to myself, my mom just had a baby, and she deserves that jello more than I do. Thinking of that totally hit me; I have been a people pleaser my whole life, including when I was 3. I am one of those who have the hardest time saying no to people, and often do things I don’t want to do in order to make others happy. So that’s what I personally believe my first memory says about me.

I’ve become so interested in what early memories say about people, that I went around and asked some family and friends what their first memories were.

My mom said that one of her first memories was almost drowning in her friend’s pool at a birthday party. None of the adults were paying attention, and my mom, thinking she was a better swimmer than she was, decided to go into the deep end. Luckily one of the kids there screamed, “Debbie is drowning!” and one of the dads jumped into the water and saved her, but my mother has been petrified of the water ever since then. It effected her in later life too when she had kids of her own, and would constantly yell at my brothers and I to stay in the shallow end. It bothered me as a child, but I completely understand it now.

When I asked a friend of mine what his first memories were, he said that he remembered being yelled at by two different people. One person was his teacher. He said they were doing some sort of drawing in an activity book, and he drew a line in the wrong spot, and got yelled at for it. Another person who yelled at him was his old babysitter. He was at her house and accidentally spilled his cup of milk, and not only did she yell at him for it, but she made him clean it up (He was 4 years old at the time). When he was all done cleaning, he went to tell her, but she didn’t believe him and told him to clean some more. Although my friend is now 24, and you’d think he’d be over something like that, he didn’t seem to be. My friend has a real problem with authority and doesn’t like being told what to do, and I wonder if part of that has anything to do with him being bothered as a kid by being yelled at by authority figures for what he calls benign things.

My younger brother didn’t give me too much to work with in the memory department (or so I thought). He said that his first memory was playing with blocks by himself at preschool. I pressed him to think of something else, but he wouldn’t. So I thought to myself, my brother is kind of a quiet, keep to himself sort of a guy, and I guess that’s nothing different from when he was a young kid. I wonder if it has anything to do with him feeling inferior, which is what Adler might have thought, or if he had avoidance of any kind. My little brother has always been a little bit of a mystery to me, but it is because, like I said, he’s a keep it to myself sort of a guy. One thing I can say about him, he is very focused and interested in the work that he does, so I could see him being the same way when building his towers of blocks.

The last person I asked was my younger brother’s girlfriend. Asking her this question brought up a lot of bad memories from her childhood, and I promised her I wouldn’t write about them. I feel like I’m already practicing client/patient confidentiality! What I can say is that a specific event in her life made her afraid of the dark, and made her feel like little importance to her family, and makes her feel inferior a lot in life, and she often wonders if she is good enough for my brother. Not to mention, she is 1 of 6 children, 4 of which were girls, who were all raised by their dad, so it’s easy for her to feel forgotten.

I may be wrong about some of my analyses, but I can say that I thoroughly enjoyed brainstorming these ideas. It’s amazing that you can get that much information about someone through one memory. I really think I like this Adlerian therapy!

(All Pictures taken from google image)